The First Night Away from my Baby

So my baby isn't really a "baby" anymore... she's 17 months, going on 3... but as every mother will relate to - she'll always be MY baby.  I have just literally bid her farewell as she drove off with Daddy to stay with the in-laws for the weekend while I spend two nights away with my girlfriends.  I knew I felt strange about it, I knew it would be weird, but I didn't expect to be so overwhelmed with emotion and unstoppable tears.

I am a bit of a sook when it comes down to it, I felt like she was growing up too quick when she was only 3 days old and was jokingly making comments about how she'd soon be getting married and leaving home.  Heaven forbid she decides to travel or live in a different suburb, let alone city, when she is of age.  I know I'll be the mother that cries when she starts school and have tears of pride rolling down my cheeks at every sports day, school production and graduation ceremony - even if it's only from Primary to Intermediate school.  I have always been emotional in that sense.  And yet I know it is a fine line between being that involved, interested and caring parent and being overbearing - a helicopter if you will!  I never want to be a helicopter.  

I am one of the most independent people I know, so perhaps that is why it scares the bejeebers out of me that I may end up reaping that very same quality in my own children - even though I'd love nothing more than to raise well rounded, independent, free-spirited children.  I love that my parents always gave me the freedom and encouragement to explore the world, do the things I wanted to do and let me "go".  That invariably meant that I came "home" and despite the often gargantuan geographical distances between us, we have always enjoyed a very close emotional relationship.

I know I'm going to have a wonderful weekend with my girlfriends - even if I can't indulge in glass or two of vino with them (because of the other little miracle growing in my belly) - and I know that I deserve this time away, having never spent more than a few hours at a time away from my precious little Miss T, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel so sad.  I suppose this is a feeling that only a parent can relate to.  It's healthy for us to spend time apart.  I know that she most likely won't even notice I'm not there, she'll be having a fabulous time with her Daddy and her grandparents and chasing the goats around the paddock, playing on her swing and taunting the dog.  And the kicker is that she won't ever remember or appreciate the emotions that I'm experiencing right now until perhaps she has her own babies in the future and she'll come to me (or she won't) one day and tell me that she understands.  Because it really is amazing how much you understand, appreciate and relate to once you have become a parent yourself.  Gives you a whole new appreciation for your own - the choices they made, the morals and values they tried to impart and the love they gave and always give.

So, here's to you Ma & Pa... love you both.

And Mama will be home soon darling girl.  Love you forever and a day.

XOXO

And the rest of you... have a great weekend!