Pity Party

I'm a very strong-willed, independent and self sufficient individual - at least that's how I see myself.  Right now I'm having a pity party as I feel anything but those above listed things.  I'm visiting my fabulous Mama in Christchurch for a week whilst Mr S is in Sydney pursuing his dream for 3 weeks.  I support his dreams and feel grateful that I have the chance to spend time with my Mama in his absence and to enjoy the help she's giving me with Little Miss T.  Yesterday however I managed to hurt myself and now can barely walk.

I suffer from extremely painful pubic pain during pregnancy, and find it difficult to get comfortable at the best of times towards the end of my pregnancy.  Yesterday afternoon I was visiting a cousin and her adorable children with my little one.  At some stage during the visit, I realised that I couldn't hear Miss T and went inside to see if she was still playing with her wee cousin.  Little Miss 3 told me that Miss T had gone outside - I looked outside to discover that someone had left the front gate open when they'd gone out and my little munchkin was nowhere to be seen.  I leaped off the deck, straddling two steps and sprinting as fast as my massiveness would allow yelling her name, through the gate and out onto the street where I found my Mini Me Miss Independent by the car on the road trying to open the door, completely oblivious to the fact that she was in a supreme danger zone.  As I ran looking for her - despite the fact that it only took twenty or so seconds to find her - I had that awful feeling where you feel like you're in a dream and can't run fast enough but your adrenalin takes over and you are just on auto-pilot.

So, my babygirl was fine, no harm came her way and though my nerves were frazzled, all fears were allayed.  It was only after we got back inside that I realised I had done some serious damage to myself in my valiant efforts to find her and I discovered that I could now barely walk.

After a more uncomfortable than normal nights' sleep, I am now awaiting an Osteo appointment in a couple of hours time.  I hope this can provide some relief - I'm most concerned about the flight home tomorrow - namely the passage between check in and the plane and off at the other end.  Carrying Miss 20 months for this distance, as well as my carry on luggage is just not possible in my current state.  Perhaps I will have to swallow my pride and ask to be escorted in a wheel chair?  Eek!

What I am enjoying least of all during this process is the feeling of helplessness.  Emotionally I feel weak because physically I am somewhat incapacitated.  I have 9 weeks of this pregnancy left and just hope that given a few days of relaxation and taking it easy will be able to return to my previous (though not perfect) state of being where I can at least carry my daughter when need be and walk more than 2 metres without feeling excruciating pain.

More than ever I am now hoping for a natural birth second time around, because the thought of being this immobile again following a c-section and having to feel useless for 3-6 weeks post labour with a toddler and the mountains of laundry that accompany a newborn thrill me less than you can possibly imagine.

Anyway, I should get off this 'feeling sorry for myself' bandwagon - it doesn't suit me at all!  I hope you're having a fabulous week wherever you are and that sunshine and good health are your friends!  Here's to the beautiful weather we're experiencing - roll on Summer!